Salty breeze, sing to me
when the dark night seems endless, please remember me

Spring break has ended as fast and swift as time usually passes when you're having fun. Many might have felt that they've wasted away this holiday, in fact that was my prediction of how i would feel as my week break came to an end. And though nothing was done in a "productive" manner, i had fun, smashing the controller and yelling at the television screen. Thanks to Bob who in all kindness lent me his PS2 in which i struggled to reign over Kingdom Hearts. Love that game :) Had some quiet jesting time with friends, created memories that i would hold close. Those that would superimpose whispering ghost stories under blankets. I'm glad i abided to my parent's wish and remained behind. And as the school term resumes, we shall pray for strength.

It could, (most likely) be the few fruitip sweets i consumed which acted as a catalyst in escalating my nervous energy and i've resigned in blasting the chrono cross soundtrack and writing off this excess energy. Am quite nervous about tomorrow. Due to the closing down of the campus mail room, i am unable to collect the information package about monday's epidural, steroid injection. Am torn between worrying and trying to forget about tomorrow. I should leave it in God's hands, worrying is a complete waste of time. If this injection dosen't work, surgery would be the next step. Something i'm definately not looking forward to, even if it might mean a faster ticket home.

the temperature is dropping, as the sunlight gives way to darkness. forgive this moment of faltering, and grant me strength. i'll give almost anything to have you hold me now. despite the shallow severity of tomorrow, and spurred by the lack of reassurance, i fear to say i fear. I fear.

Solitude and Solace

And there's more that dances on the prairies than the wind
And more that pulses in the ocean than the tide
There's a love that's fiercer than the love between friends
More gentle than a mother's when her baby's at her side

So if I stand let me stand on the promise that You will pull me through
And if I can't let me fall on the grace that first brought me to You
And if I sing let me sing for the joy that has born in me these songs
And if I weep let it be as a man who is longing for his home

-If i stand, Jars of Clay

The hall no longer echoes with the sound of laughter and screams, and the constant pitterpatter of footsteps is missing. The toilet stalls are vacant, and the showers are completely void of any signs of human contact. McCutcheon Hall, South wing, level 5, you belong to me! mUahahahaha!

Spring break has sweep the people away (including my roommate) and i am currently the sole occupant of this floor. I don't really mind =D hehe i wouldn't need to worry about freaking anyone out when i hobble to the bathroom in a Quasimodo worthy hunch. For those who are wondering about my highly anticipated spring trip to Colorado to ski, followed by a New York trip, those were cancelled due to the results of my MRI scan and me being incapacitated.

At the ripe old age of 17, Tiff has been diagnosed with a L4-L5 disk herniation, which is, in plain English, the swelling of the joint in the lower part of my spine, resulting in the crushing of the nerves there, which causes intense pain from the left waist down to the ankle. Had been on a oral steroid treatment to try force down the bone (side effects include: nervousness, insomnia, restlessness, hyperactivity, weight gain, increased appetite) , the treatment ended on sunday, and no obvious signs of change has been observed. Missed yesterday's doctors appointment because i failed to anticipate the normally 20 minute walk to the clinic (due to the shutting down of campus bus services) to evolve into a 75 minute walk due to slight complications, but managed to make it for physio therapy, which a nice man enforced a crutch at me stating "i don't care how you use it, just take it! it'll make me feel better." weeee, thus the attainment of a new weapon. With wide range! hehe

Today's doctor's appointment cannot be missed! nope! i will make it on time. in fact, will leave soon :) Today, will be deciding on whether i should go for the epidural shot straight in my back (which is quite dangerous due to the proximity to my spine which if any complications, may result in paralysis) but is supposed to take away the pain, temporarily -.- will also try to find out whether anything but physio will solve this prob. Don't wanna limp around looking like old grandma anymore :( and find myself yelping every time i sit, stand. and get stuck in bed without the ablilty to sit up, move off or even roll over. >.<

But God has been great! and He has blessed me with nice nice nice friends who accomadates my slow walking pace, grumpiness and sometimes snappiness :p thankews! And with God on yr side, what can go wrong? Nothing! Muahahahahhaha! Nothings gonna seperate us from the Father's love. *dances* soon will be on my feet, and terrorising people again! Nothing's gonna stand in our way! And when i can move again... i'll dance for Him, ha! It may be an aweful sight, but i'm going to do it anyway!

An ode to maybe

You smile
And say the world it doesn't fit with you
I don't believe you
You're so serene
Careening through the universe
Your axis on a tilt
You're guiltless and free
I hope you take a piece of me with you

-Motocycle drive by, Third eye blind

And I finally finally get rid of the 'under construction' background. But do not be led by the lack of announcement, this site will be continuously changed until I feel satisfied with it, which is highly unlikely. :) When i finally get it to look relatively good on my browser (firefox) it looks crappy on ie. Cause mozilla elliminated my colourful scrollbar thingies. >.< sleep ="="">.<

Purdue purdue purdue. How are you. (me so corny hehe) Anyway, (at such a long post, most ppl wldn't have gotten so far, so am safe hehe) in the little assosiation called PSSA, politics strike back. It always puzzles me how a little issue can be blown up into such a huge fiasco leading to the ultimate destruction of friendship and to the extent of openly, publicly verbally insulting people. Especially when you're not only insulting someone's culture, but also your own. It's like yr slapping yrself inthe face. Especially with such a condescending tone. It really makes me ashamed to be a Singaporean.

Is proficiently speaking the english language such a sign of superiority? I think not. Chinese is a much harder language to master, and for those who have, you have my respect. Especially in a place like America, it's shameful to hide your roots behind you and try to conform in this supposedly cosmopolitan and materialistic world. If you want to rise above others, and show your worth, isn't the equation to be YOURSELF and not to CONFORM? And by being yourself it should include yr strict moral believes, upbringing, culture yada yada. If you worry half the time on what the world thinks of you, you're never going to have a chance to stand out. If you think like the world, you become the world. And then you're nothing but one of the participates of this mad rat race.

Friendship is something to be treasure. Petty difference should not even be a stronghold within that bond. God created fellowship for us to build each other up, and not tear each other down and ultimately lead to self-distruction.

And though there's been many fleeting moments of doubt through the scorn, i'm really proud of who i am - a child of God.